Today is the last day of the wonderful Easter holidays, and doesn't it show? I have been an absolute nightmare, and my innocent husband has had the brunt of my mood thrown right at him. Why is it, that when our hormones are going berserk, and when we turn into monsters that Stephen King would be proud of, we dump all of our crap onto our nearest and dearest and treat them like we hate them? I would like to publicly declare that I do not hate Andy in the slightest, and that I am truly sorry for the way that I treat him sometimes. There are no excuses whatsoever, but I genuinely can't control my anger when I am in a mood like I have been in today.
I'm not a violent person, I would never lay a hand on anyone, nor would I be rude to strangers or people who I barely know. But show me someone I love, someone who I care about more than anything in the world, and I will savage them like a beast until one of us has to admit defeat (and it's rarely me who throws in the towel). What causes, and I am going to generalise profusely here, the most rational of women to act in this way? I have never seen a "bloke" throw a hissy fit, or scream at someone because there is no chocolate in the house, or go on a shopping frenzy, or try their best to alienate their friends when they know they have done nothing wrong. Is it really just what women do? Is it our nature, do hormones really affect us in this way? Or are there darker forces at work? I do not know the answers, but I wish someone would hurry up and find out.
It's a fact that women suffer from depression and severe mood imbalances more than men. Is this all down to our hormones, and our complicated reproductive system that we have to life with and adapt to? Some say that women face more stresses than men. Maybe we just deal with stresses and strains in a more open way, therefore making it look like we're more affected. Apparently one in eight women will be "clinically depressed" at some point in their lives. I look at my group of friends, a gang of eight close-nit girls, and already (before most of us have reached our mid-twenties, and certainly our thirties) I'd say five of us have experienced some form of depression at some stage of our life. Does this prove that depression is more common than medical experts will admit? Possibly. It certainly makes me realise exactly how prone to depression and similar conditions women are susceptible to.
Have my outbursts been a symptom of clinical depression? Not necessarily. They have been more than me simply "being in one". As someone who is "sub-fertile" (infertile is not PC nowadays) my PMT is horrendous, and PCOS doesn't help with this in the slightest. In this respect, men certainly do get it easy. The worrying thing is, and I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this, that today's episodes are Day 1, and I usually get far worse. Shall I lock myself away for a week, or do what the NHS suggest to do to combat PMS- eat healthily and exercise. I'll see what tomorrow brings me. A day back with kids at work tomorrow will kill me or cure me. I'm hoping that publishing my thoughts in cyber-space, whether they are read or not, will help me to avoid the dark place that I would otherwise sink into for the next five days or so.
One thing I will say, and this is aimed at my amazing husband, family and friends, is that the Ali you know and love may be replaced by a maniac for a short while, but the old one loves you all very much, despite what I may tell you! Next time, I'm coming back as a man!
I'm not a violent person, I would never lay a hand on anyone, nor would I be rude to strangers or people who I barely know. But show me someone I love, someone who I care about more than anything in the world, and I will savage them like a beast until one of us has to admit defeat (and it's rarely me who throws in the towel). What causes, and I am going to generalise profusely here, the most rational of women to act in this way? I have never seen a "bloke" throw a hissy fit, or scream at someone because there is no chocolate in the house, or go on a shopping frenzy, or try their best to alienate their friends when they know they have done nothing wrong. Is it really just what women do? Is it our nature, do hormones really affect us in this way? Or are there darker forces at work? I do not know the answers, but I wish someone would hurry up and find out.
It's a fact that women suffer from depression and severe mood imbalances more than men. Is this all down to our hormones, and our complicated reproductive system that we have to life with and adapt to? Some say that women face more stresses than men. Maybe we just deal with stresses and strains in a more open way, therefore making it look like we're more affected. Apparently one in eight women will be "clinically depressed" at some point in their lives. I look at my group of friends, a gang of eight close-nit girls, and already (before most of us have reached our mid-twenties, and certainly our thirties) I'd say five of us have experienced some form of depression at some stage of our life. Does this prove that depression is more common than medical experts will admit? Possibly. It certainly makes me realise exactly how prone to depression and similar conditions women are susceptible to.
Have my outbursts been a symptom of clinical depression? Not necessarily. They have been more than me simply "being in one". As someone who is "sub-fertile" (infertile is not PC nowadays) my PMT is horrendous, and PCOS doesn't help with this in the slightest. In this respect, men certainly do get it easy. The worrying thing is, and I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this, that today's episodes are Day 1, and I usually get far worse. Shall I lock myself away for a week, or do what the NHS suggest to do to combat PMS- eat healthily and exercise. I'll see what tomorrow brings me. A day back with kids at work tomorrow will kill me or cure me. I'm hoping that publishing my thoughts in cyber-space, whether they are read or not, will help me to avoid the dark place that I would otherwise sink into for the next five days or so.
One thing I will say, and this is aimed at my amazing husband, family and friends, is that the Ali you know and love may be replaced by a maniac for a short while, but the old one loves you all very much, despite what I may tell you! Next time, I'm coming back as a man!
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